The many contrasting voices of oneself.

 

  Lately, I have been questioning my existence, and I wonder what the point of life is? What is my purpose?

Is life just a rat race where we spend 80% of our time at work and the remainder we have to manage it between commuting, sleeping, eating, and spending time with the people we love? Is this the whole point of our existence?

Is it wrong to feel like this when I have the job I fought so hard to get? The position most people would want to have. I feel like here I have no purpose

I have no joy. I feel like a puppet who conforms and behaves in the way she is expected to. My life is like a song on repeat. And listening to the same lyrics over and over again is leaving me drained and lifeless.

Then fear comes in. My Fear says that the safe lane is where I should stay. My Fear states that the spotlight was not made for me, so keep myself hidden. And then I hurt and I cry because I know In my heart this isn’t true. I was built for greatness, and I was designed to inspire.

The place where I find myself today is the struggle of the old and the new. The voices of the past contrasting with the present. The violent conflict of all the parts making up ”I.” the more I understand how I got here, the harder it gets to let it all behind.