” The answers hide in places where you never thought to look”
I haven’t written in quite some time, and as always there is a reason, LIFE! I often get caught up with ”working”. Whether it is working on my actual job or trying to heal myself ahead of my time, it seems like in my mind there is something to do or somewhere to get to. These days I am more aware of my controlling and compulsive tendencies, but it does not mean I don’t get wrapped around this very enticing cycle.
So much has happened recently, holidays, birthdays, and many challenges, but today I want to share a critical take away from these past months. There is a specific therapy session that comes to mind, my therapist used the analogy of having an infection to refer to the trauma I struggle with, I asked how I can cure it, and she said: the self-loving parts inside would be the ones to wrap me around with love and help me heal. It took me some time to truly understand what this means and allow it to happen but today I felt it. I have been performing a job, my whole life. This job was designed to protect me, it made me self-sufficient and independent. it made me determined and hardworking but it also disconnected me from my emotions, it made me detached from the people I loved.
When you are in this kind of mindset it is very hard to allow help, you feel like things can only get done when you are in charge. You don’t really trust anyone and you live life in a loop: wake up-work-sleep-repeat. I am tired of living life like this, especially now cause I can clearly see how beautiful my life has been the past few years, the universe has repaid me in so many ways, and my blessings are boundless. It seems like there is all to win and nothing to lose but the job of the ego lies in remembering and holding on so things never repeat.
There is no perfect equation to heal, and there is no perfect timing either. Although hard at times letting go is the only way to move on, being in the present and living life while allowing the answers to come when its due. I have avoided life for years waiting for the day I’d be entirely ”fixed” to start living, but only when I started taking steps out of this protective shell, only then, things started actually changing and transforming positively.
Day by day I am allowing love to heal me as it is the only way, love that comes from my higher self-energy and love that comes from external sources. Wherever you are today my advice to you would be: Those who hurt you in the past are not a reflection of what you deserve but a demonstration of what they lack. Allow yourself to heal and love, because you are worthy, even when you don’t believe it.
As always cheers to you and your journey, wherever you are today.