Wearing myself in Brave.

Way out

I guess I should start this post with a trigger warning, I will share my recent thoughts about sexual abuse and child molestation so be aware what you are about to read might be triggering.

It has taken me some time to be able to even think about writing this article, thinking about it I become overwhelmed with the thought of what will people think? This deep impulse to bury my feelings and pretend I am ok but my desire to be truthful and honest is higher than the fear of rejection.  So I will start my story by saying: Hi, my name is Esmeralda and I am a survivor of child incest and molestation. I will consider this my first step towards healing and recovery and I will share as much as it feels comfortable for the night.

I want my story to inspire others to come forward and if I have to be the first of my tribe well here I am.

I have been afraid for so long to even think about this, this is new information for me as I just remembered about a year ago in August 2016 right before my trip to Cancun. It came as the most explicit memory I ever had, and it felt so real it was almost tangible. Therapy has helped me a lot so a year later after 25 years in the darkness here is step one.

There is so much stigma about sexual abuse in general and so little discussion about it. This is the thing victims are not supposed to talk about, so we dress in shame, and we keep it hidden, our families tell us we should not discuss it, and we believe this is the only way to be okay. This system protects the perpetrator and brings little justice to the child in need.

Today for the first time I searched for support groups to help me explore my feelings and talk to others who have suffered similar trauma. I will consider myself to be in the first steps of this process, but I think tomorrow will be a better day already.

I just want to say thank you for reading and to those who help me be better every day knowingly or not….. You make a difference in my life.

Cheers to healing!

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