”Love is a free expression, and it comes from the heart willingly”
For many years of my life, I had this idea in my head and this false conviction of the meaning of self-love and what it is supposed to look like, I was convinced I loved who I was. Yet I paid little attention to all the noise happening in my subconscious. I used to say out loud how much love I had for all of me, but I still did things hoping to get approval, recognition, and love. This journey of self-discovery and self Appreciation takes a lot of work, it truly requires for you to forget about what you learned in the past. It is important to start questioning the things you do out of habit, to be honest with yourself with every decision and every choice you make. People pleasing is so easy so if you want to say ”No.” then do so, if you feel obligated, then your decision might not be authentic.
We are all born free and naive, we come to this world as a blank canvas, and the people and experiences we go through as we are growing up will determine who we will be as adults. My childhood was tough. I never seemed to fit in, and the more I tried, the more rejection I experienced, my ideas never seemed to be good, and when people needed to have a good laugh, I would be the topic of choice. All this and more pushed me to become a very different person than who I truly am. An extended version of myself in which I did not have to feel my pain. Her name is anxiety. She has been my companion for years telling my how unworthy and unlovable I am, how easy it is for people to leave and how hard it is for those to stay. I have been in recovery for over a year, releasing the lies I believed about myself and reconnecting and embracing my true essence.
Believe it or not, we have all been brainwashed one way or the other.To believe that we are not pretty enough, not smart enough, not worth it, not deserving and if you feel this way I want you to know this is not true. Anyone who does not accept you exactly as you are is not worth your time.
Every time you feel sad and unworthy I would want you to picture yourself as a 10-year-old, think about the things this child would feel happy to hear. Would you be as hard on her as you are on yourself currently? I can almost guarantee that you would not punish a child the same way you do yourself, I can almost guarantee you would be supportive and encouraging when they felt down and defeated.
There are many lessons I have learned in this beautiful journey of self-discovery and I will share a few of them in hopes you will apply them to your own and find what you are looking for:
1- Your feelings are your truth, and you should always honor them:
I used to be the type never to express myself I was not in touch with my feelings and found myself often afraid to be shut down and disregarded, always expecting the other person to guess my feelings and validate them so I could feel they mattered and were true. Your feelings are your most genuine expression of your TrueSelf, and if you deny them, you deny your authenticity.
2- How you choose to express your feelings matters:
As important as it is for you to be true to yourself and express what you feel in your heart, the way you choose to communicate this to the other party will have a huge impact on the outcome of your conversation or discussion.Expressing yourself and speaking your truth is not about being always right or disregarding the other person’s views or their feelings.It is not about shouting or being petty about things. Authenticity comes from a grounded place and clear mind. The goal is not to win, the target is to be understood and offer the same in return.
3- You don’t have to love anyone because you are told to do so:
I want you to think about this one very carefully. Think about anyone in your family, for example, think about someone who you may not feel is deserving of your love and your dedication. But you have this thought that because they are your ______ (father, mother, sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc.), you have to love them? (hence the words ”have to”).This is something you have heard everywhere, and many times, the question here is; do you love them or are you idealizing them? Do they love you and does their behavior proves this? Do you see your truth or the truth you were told to believe?
4- Do not feel guilt over leaving people behind and taking time for yourSelf:
The journey of self-love can be lonely at times, you cannot expect to listen to your heart if you surrounded by noise and distractions. Cutting ties with people who do not resonate with you anymore is part of it. It’s like trying to have a healthy diet, and you start cutting all the foods and drinks which you very well know are not going to be good for you. Nothing ever stays the same, and you have the right to change your mind and think differently, you have the right to make choices based on your current needs, and you owe no explanations.
5- Letting go hurts at first but in the end it is rewarding:
This has been the hardest part of my experience, letting go of old patterns, thoughts, ideas, and people but also letting go of the pain inflicted by those who I so firmly held on to. Allowing mySelf to feel my pain and diving into an obscure phase that brought tears for weeks at a time. Before you can be the best version of yourself, you need to declutter the bullshit you went through that built so many walls around you.
I hope this piece inspires you to begin your journey and find the person you were meant to be since day one, you are worth the fight, and you are your only savior.
Keep fighting; you are a warrior!
Love and Light!